Choosing battles
I really like my friends who make be think. The question "What battles have you fought today" still blazes in my mind. I've had more than a few in the last year or so, but this is one that has stood out.
At the close of last year, I had returned from long trip to Guatemala. I was in a very unsettled state of mind. I had gone with the intent to volunteer teach computers in schools in San Lucas, after spending two weeks in review Spanish classes in Xela. I stayed an extra week studying Spanish as I had not made the progress I had hoped, even though I studied late into the night. When I arrived in San Lucas, schools were in exam week, then followed by school break. I had not made careful enough plans. What was to be a volunteering experience became a rather lonely extended vacation.
I felt so impotent facing so much poverty. I am still haunted by a a tiny bundle of rags. Just a block from a McDonalds, was a small boy, wrapped in an old blanket for warmth. He wedged along a wall on a sidewalk only two feet wide, cars and trucks passing right beside him. He was too tired to stand and hunkered down on the pavement. Nearly unrecognizable as human, but for his extended arm, holding his begging bowl. Such a thin, tiny arm.
I saw him more than once. Why did I not take him for a meal? Why did I not put twenty dollars in his bowl? How could I be so heartless, I have so much! I knew next week when I left Xela, he would hungry again, back on the street. Why didn't I take him to a church, bought him clothes? He was surrounded by churches. New clothes would be sold for money to eat later. Where were the systems to take care of him? The foster homes? The shelters? Should I have stayed in Xela and try to right these wrongs?
That tiny bundle of rags has taught me a hard, hard lesson. This is the real world. Hunger exists. Pain exists. And I cannot save the whole world. He was not there for me to rescue. I must sow where the soil will yield. So I provide the schooling, uniforms, and books for my sponsored kids. Carlos graduated with honors this year. Jessica is thriving in school.
I cannot fight every battle, some battles are not for me to fight. Every instinct in my body screamed to do something, to right this wrong. I had to walk away. The hardest battles may be the ones we do not fight.
At the close of last year, I had returned from long trip to Guatemala. I was in a very unsettled state of mind. I had gone with the intent to volunteer teach computers in schools in San Lucas, after spending two weeks in review Spanish classes in Xela. I stayed an extra week studying Spanish as I had not made the progress I had hoped, even though I studied late into the night. When I arrived in San Lucas, schools were in exam week, then followed by school break. I had not made careful enough plans. What was to be a volunteering experience became a rather lonely extended vacation.
I felt so impotent facing so much poverty. I am still haunted by a a tiny bundle of rags. Just a block from a McDonalds, was a small boy, wrapped in an old blanket for warmth. He wedged along a wall on a sidewalk only two feet wide, cars and trucks passing right beside him. He was too tired to stand and hunkered down on the pavement. Nearly unrecognizable as human, but for his extended arm, holding his begging bowl. Such a thin, tiny arm.
I saw him more than once. Why did I not take him for a meal? Why did I not put twenty dollars in his bowl? How could I be so heartless, I have so much! I knew next week when I left Xela, he would hungry again, back on the street. Why didn't I take him to a church, bought him clothes? He was surrounded by churches. New clothes would be sold for money to eat later. Where were the systems to take care of him? The foster homes? The shelters? Should I have stayed in Xela and try to right these wrongs?
That tiny bundle of rags has taught me a hard, hard lesson. This is the real world. Hunger exists. Pain exists. And I cannot save the whole world. He was not there for me to rescue. I must sow where the soil will yield. So I provide the schooling, uniforms, and books for my sponsored kids. Carlos graduated with honors this year. Jessica is thriving in school.
I cannot fight every battle, some battles are not for me to fight. Every instinct in my body screamed to do something, to right this wrong. I had to walk away. The hardest battles may be the ones we do not fight.
posted by Lucia Sforza di Firenze at Wednesday, December 29, 2010
1 Comments:
You can't go backwards, you can only go forwards. I think you are still tormented by this child's fate because you are approaching or are at yet another crossroad and you are trying to figure out what way to go next. We all face them, some of us with more grace than others have. I feel you have a great deal of grace and that helps guide your decisions.
Stay open. Maybe some opportunity to change the world will present itself to you, or you will be driven to seek it out.
This morning, I found myself repeating "today is the first day of the rest of my life" and thinking about where I am going and how I am spending my time/energy. I can't do anything about yesterday. And it's what I do today that aligns me to the opportunities of tomorrow.
Crossposting to FB.
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